i haven't been using a real wallet for the past few months because... well i forgot why, but i've been using one of those magic wallets. anyway, my roommate found my wallet and i recently transferred all the goods. i like wallets. when i was taking lisa to jfk today, i looked through the coin purse part of the wallet and i found these bird earrings that i stole from beacon's closet in williamsburg. not that stealing is cool, don't steal kids. i don't steal. that was just an impulsive act, and it has not benefitted me in any way since i just threw them in a wallet and never wore them. but they are cute.
i've been having a fantastic summer. but i feel like i'm going through some sort of withdrawal. like from myself. i don't know if that makes sense. maybe i should consider stoicism; uplifted, an absence of longing, and perhaps, things would be simpler. i have this theoretically romanticized person in mind. molded and chiseled to be someone that i would like to be. like how the greeks thought that there were certain spheres that the real world was modeled after, and perfection lied within those spheres; beauty rested in their perfect, ideal form. i am not living up to the standards of that fake person. then again, perfection is fake. i should stop. anyway, the humidity is a bummer. it's suffocating! makes me feel like i'm melting. good thing i live in a basement.
i should really start exercising. i think my mental health would also improve. not that it's bad, but i think i'd just be happier in general. happiness, so fleeting. so easily attained, so easily taken away. while i indulge in the comforts of the east coast, i forget how calm the west coast can be. the weather is nice, but i have to say, i enjoy the very distinct seasons here. sometimes i get sad when i think about my sister being so far away. and while i'm caught up in the atlantic breeze, she will be soaking in the pacific sun. to think that our bond is amplified by the mountains and buildings between us. she's grown into quite the woman. i'm proud of her. and this sick family drama will play itself out. we're winners.
i give myself one year to make amends, to reconcile the relationship i have with myself, to come to terms with my past, to apologize to everyone, to accept what i do not/will not have, to weed out the bad, to jump toward the sphere of the moon and attempt to reach the treasure of the vacant perfection, to conjure up something that will suffice.
but for now, i've got nothing notable to say.
but i will stay hydrated and away from the sun
peace and love,
t.tran
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