despair

wow. so today, this girl asked me if i was majoring in misery or despair. am i that terrible to be around? am i really that pessimistic? should i smile more???? i don't think so. wow. she was joking, but wow. there's always a little bit of truth in travesty. and i thought i was a relatively happy person. i mean i am and i'm also very awesome. and so is damien rice.

i should really be studying for chemistry right now. let's see... i have approximately 8 hours to learn the material. that means a lot of coffee and trips to 7 11. instead, i am here, in surfing the interweb... in cyberspace... doing nothing really. rotting my brains? who knows. so work was awesome today. i never thought those words would come out of my mouth... or at least i never thought that i'd muster up the will to type that out. but really. it was. we closed the store to the public at 5pm because we were hosting a private party. yup, ivy leaguers! kenny went to brown, david went to yale, they met at nyu stern and made rickshaw. yes, social networking for a bunch of brown and yale alumni. what did i do while kenny and david conversed with fellow post ivy league graduates holding a mba from other prestigious schools??? i stood behind the counter and served beer with my co-worker thor. it was fun. i threw ice at him. we drank a beer together. we also drank a beer with jin hua (the awesome steamer who makes rickshaw look like a real authentic chinese restaurant). we also ate a lot of edamame. we didn't get our staff meal... which makes me quite irate. we had an ample supply of beer. actually, no we didn't. ivy leaguers just cannot drink. there was a tiny asian dude with a big cherry for a head. he was fun to watch.

you know... to think that college should prepare you for life. apparently it doesn't. and ivy leagues still fall behind in teaching people how to be social and not alone. it made me sad to see some people standing there alone, not talking to anyone, not being able to engage in a conversation with someone else... some of them ended up talking to me. obviously, i had no interest in what they had to say... and i had to work (yes, popping some beers open is a rigorous job. not really). people shouldn't be alone. that's all.

okay, so this was really pointless. i just don't want to study for chemistry. and after this, i will probably find other ways to deviate from that damn zumdahl textbook.. food, perhaps. and okay, i bought this book that was just released about a week ago and it's staring me down. i want to read it so bad. it's the first novel that the author has ever written and the synopsis is seriously the best thing i've read in a while. i flipped through the book after receiving it in the mail and it's filled with sketches, alluding to dreams, hope, avarice, fear, anger, misery, and memory... all fictitious of course, but at the same time, so genuine, so sincere. okay, i'm expecting way too much from this book and it's going to be my fault if i don't like it.

i wrote a song. laid down a few guitar chords. it sounds nice. sara sings in it.
i want to see star trek and a bunch of other movies.

i just want to take a leap into the air and drift, being carried by the wind feeling weightless, boundless, and meander through the clouds, the vapor against my warm cheek, splash, and slowly dive toward the earth with no mass; the soil, raw and cool, as my weightless body flows through it like a ghost who is intentionally entangled within the wild roots, then, follow the thin and delicate stream of water onto the surface; break the surface like the first breath of a newborn, have mud slide down my chin and continue its path down my chest, only to fall and seep back into the earth from which it came; and step under a towering tree and take a nap.

peace and love,
tt