it's true. sometimes, despite willingness and effort, you can never change the way certain people will see you as. is it better to leave it there, unspoken of, unheard of, undetected... and you feel as if your endeavors were pointless, as if they should be broadcasted to the world. but shouldn't that be enough? enough with pleasing, with trying to revise the little sonnet in your mind, in their minds... pointless but all worth while. and then sometimes, you fuck up, reluctance wins and that's when it all really feels fruitless. efforts take a turn in vain. and then you wake up the next morning and you see that the fog has cleared, but you're still dancing, and it's still raining. moments. and the damn faulty camera.
if everything is fine then i find something to make myself feel bad. but not everything is fine. chemistry is not fine. i am fine. just saying.
finals week starts. just waiting for the breeze to come.
spoke to my sister today. she told me about my dad's injury from work. he burnt his hand. the skin on in palm and wrist came off. then i thought about it... i haven't spoken to my parents in a while. i called my dad. he said he's fine and then i lied and told him i was busy when i ran out of things to say. but he made me talk to my mom for a few minutes. i miss them both.
sunday secrets time
peace and love,
tt
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