Well, there are a lot of things to say. I'm glad the elections are over. I mean, I was all for Obama, but he seemed more of a celebrity than a presidential candidate among the youngsters. I think it's safe to admit that my ballot never came in the mail. This happened to 10+ absentee voters that I've heard of. Oh America, how you let me down sometimes. Also, Proposition 8 passed in California. Basically everyone in my family voted yes. My mom gave the shittiest arguments ever and we fought on the phone. I think I need to make a trip to a clinic to get a physical check-up, but I currently lack health insurance. And apparently, making more than $200 dollars a week does not qualify you as "poor". Wtf. What do you have to do to be considered "poor" and how rich is "rich" nowadays.
This has been a pretty bad week. Not for me really, because I so raped that chemistry presentation... I'm awesome. But in general... a bad week. I know nothing is fair, but it's just not right that certain things have to happen to certain people. I'm trying to fathom what extent of karma comes to play... or just bad luck. I can't help but perceive the fragility in everything I see. It's not a good thing. I think that makes me a pessimist. However, I do appreciate it all now- everything. I went out a bought a notebook and pen. Yes, there's only one more month in this semester and I finally bought some school supplies. I find myself being mad at myself for trying to make excuses. There are none. I'm just lazy. That's all it is. I will be lazy no longer! Plus, I've been clean and sober for quite a while now and it feels great. Nothing happened to me, but people deserve the best. Unless you are Hitler.
At any moment, it can break, and if it breaks, it won't be the same, but you can always try to put it back together and accept the way it is.
Night, the cat, scares the shit out of me. I've been wanting a cat, but not one like this. Sara says he is still a little feral. That explains his hissing and his attempt to scratch and grab my feet every time I go up the stairs. Cats should be cute and cuddly. This one is evil. But Pinky, the dog, is quite lovely. He's an old German Shepherd. He sheds a lot so I carry around a lint roller.
I don't really know what I've been up to lately. I've yet to finish The Hotel New Hampshire. I don't do homework. I don't sleep much. Our blood pumping muscle is working so hard that it erases any trace of time, leaving us tired jealous and angry and sad and hungry and lost. Actually, I am quite hungry and tired right now...
I'm trying to decide whether I want to go to New Jersey on Tuesday to catch The Decemberists' show. I do have work and no one is free to go with me.
I was at a park in DUMBO the other night. We sat by the East River on the Brooklyn side between the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridge and watched the Manhattan lights reflect off the water. It was nice. It reminded of all the beauty that goes unnoticed. Like trees and brown paper bags and animals giving birth and humans giving birth and people caring for each other (I was sitting on some steps in St. Marks and this hobo gave his other hobo friend a huge green winter jacket he got from some homeless shelter) and Haribo Frogs.
Go Sharks!
***EDIT***
So about the argument I had with my mother over the phone... she was all for Proposition 8 and she gave the most mundane arguments of the typical conversative world. Well, I just want to say she's mainly influenced by what her friends and family think, but only those friends and family members who are more sucessful than her; those whom she looks up to. I'm not saying my mom can't make her own decisions, I'm saying she has some sort of ideal life that she thinks she should live up to... the damn American Dream under the very roof I grew up in. It kills.
Anyway, so explaining her arguments in detail would take forever because the stupidity of it will only cause me to rant and rant. Later she went on to say how she was still voting for Obama although he supports gay marriage. I just found out she did the opposite. I just can't believe that she would let something so trivial (not that gay marriage is trivial, but the fact that she's letting the a social issue affect her decisions when there are things like the Iraq War, health care, taxes, etc to worry about as well) push her to vote for Mccain. Suck my balls. The elections are over, they've been over. Which is good. Every fucking topic spoken on the train, at work, at school, and everywhere else was political. Not that it's bad but it's funny how that ended the night Obama became president. I forgot to mention the fact that I was taking the train home and we got to a stop where the announcer from outside the station yelled out, "President Obama!" Everyone on the train went ballistic and I high fived the man sitting next to me. We don't have to move to Canada anymore.
So. I'm sure I failed my first geology midterm. The second one is tomorrow and I have a lot more reading to do. October came and went so fast. And November will do the same. And so will December, and I will be home in San Jose, California... where winters are wet and dreams are shattered... jk. I actually can't wait to get home. I miss my parents and Betty. I also miss northern California fun. I also miss In-N-Out and Red Robins. Then January will come and I will be back in New York... a place filled with miserable New Yorkers who want to get the fuck out and aspiring yuppies from the midwest posing as New Yorkers. Then February will come and I will be turning 20, not feeling a day older, but looking tired and fatigued and worn out.
I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson.
She's awesome.
Peace and Love,
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