heroes and assholes

so if you've seen the movie imaginary heroes then you might understand what i'm referring to in the title of this post... if not, then here it is: "one of two things happens when you meet your heroes. either they're assholes, or they're just like you are." one of the best quotes found in the film.

anyway, i look up to a lot of people. some more notable than others. there are family and friends. celebrities and authors. inventors and philanthropists. tons! so in a world full of inspiring people and endless assholes, which do we want to become? the asshole or the villain?

some of us try to live our lives being good. and this is of new interest to me, the idea of being good; influenced from tegan and sara's newest record "sainthood". not because of their quirky lyrics or their smashing guitar riffs.. no, because of their explanation on naming their record. they take more of a relationship standpoint, regarding being good to their partners, which is also an aspect in being good in life. so, what a simple phrase... "being good", and i've become attracted to it in more forms than one. it got me thinking about what makes a person want to be good. christianity? good parenting? their selfish belief in karma? ego? i'm not even sure why i want to be good, or if i'm even good. again, such a simple phrase, but what a complicated way of life!

so it got me thinking about religion. i google different religions all the time, and if i had enough patience and time and determination, i might even read the religious scriptures of different faiths. but i don't and i'm lazy. i use wikipedia. the funny thing is, maybe i'm not even that interested because i always forget! i'm sure i've looked up hinduism and islam more than 20 tons in the past month. and i can never remember the difference between theravada buddhism and mahayana buddhism. then i often get confused about the different asian deities i've looked up, and whether they belong to the taoist faith or the buddhist faith. and all the different sects of christianity... jesus. pun intended? anyway, enough with my rambling. the point is: there must be a reason behind why people want to be good. i've chosen religion, or the lack of, as the reason for today. in the end, the act of good is selfish. the desire to walk through the pearly gates or to enter nirvana or whatever... but what about the good atheist? or the practicing religious individual who isn't good because his or her faith says so. is he or she in denial and secretly being good just in case there is a god? is he or she being good because they saw it on tv? because their parents said so? or is he or she being good just because? what is the underlining reason?? this bugs me. and i'll never know. just like how i'll never be able to recite the precise value or pi.

well, as an atheist who is trying to be good, i acknowledge the goodness behind the teachings of every religion i've read up on. and here's my reason for the attempt to ascend to goodness: it makes the world a better place, and i want to live on a good planet. so that makes me selfish and i don't care.

have i abused the word "good"? i'm sorry if i have. i just wanted to be good.

best,
tracy tran