There's a song on the radio you used to hum back then

Having my iTunes on shuffle makes me so nostalgic.

I associate certain places, people, and things with songs so when one randomly pops up, I feel a little overwhelmed by the desire to see someone's face, to inhale certain air, to run, to cry, to do something stupid. Then the song ends and everything is back to normal. It's like waking up from a dream I guess.

Uncertainty. I wish I had the pertinence to say that I'm happy with what I'm doing, or at least happy with what I am pursuing. But I guess no one is ever sure if what they are doing is the right thing. I was thinking... okay I'm only struggling because this is new to me and in a few years, everything will be okay and I can be young again. Then I thought some more... wrong! In a few years I will be a college graduate and a certified teacher with a full-time teaching job. So, my radical adolescence is over. Isn't everyone's?

Well, a 19 year old Chinese girl, like myself, moved into the house today. Except, she's got a huge accent so she's totally not as cool as me of course. I tried being nice to her but she's so fucking shy it's annoying. Well, she might think that I'm annoying since I'm always trying to talk to her. I've lived alone for 2 months and now that I finally have someone to talk to while I'm home, I'm going to take advantage of it. I don't even know her name, but I went grocery shopping and came back all sweaty because of the stupid walk (plus, I wear longer layers to hide from the radiation because I currently do not own sunblock... I should get some). Anyway, I figured she was hot as well so I offered her ice cream and a bottle of beer. Rejection.

I like to watch people. It sounds creepy but it's not. I was sitting outside before class and I noticed a lady approaching me. I was already meticulously observing her from the corner of my eye. She was a fucking creep. She took her newspaper and ripped it into pieces and then started licking it. Then she kept spitting in a water bottle and she drank from it. Well, she walked up to me and got right in my face and asked me for a cigarette. She had a mustache. A thick grey mustache... so of course I gave her one. BUT! I saw her again after class and she came up to me and asked me again and I told her I had no more and she barked at me. Only in New York.

Also, I'm slowly turning into a hopeless romantic... something I've opposed for a really long time, but yeah, I'll admit it. But then again, I also think I have a problem with my lungs (I probably don't) and that the floaters in my eyes will some day blind me (they most likely won't). I guess I'm taking hypochondria to a whole new level.

There are fireflies outside of my house.